Hannah Hagan
I was a sophomore in college and became close friends to the two boys sitting behind me. I learned quickly of one being gay and one being bisexual. I had only one friend prior who had come out, and although it was no surprise, I had no issue as I believed it was their choice. At this time, I believed it was a choice and that it was possibly choosing sin over what God created them to be. This was not something I took personally or was big to defend until I learned of my really close friend/classmate. He was a missionary child who was adopted and completely raised to be the perfect Christian child. I loved his genuineness, how he lived true to himself and could care less what others thought of him. He taught me what it was to truly live life to the fullest. I loved spending time with him, and I knew from there that I wanted to be completely there for him.
I was born and raised in the church, the granddaughter of a Southern Baptist pastor and church builder. Although my grandfather’s love was widely stretched out to all, I was taught that we do not support what supported gay rights. My father specifically boycotted Disney, Target, Walmart, and Chevron. I was taught it was wrong and not naturally the way God created us to be.
Learning of my best friend, I started to see the sadness he had feeling like his Christianity HAD to be separate from him since he is gay. I remember after my 21st birthday and our night out. We went to the piano rooms, and the only thing they remembered how to play were worship songs. We played and sang for hours, and my best friend just sat and cried. He truly believed that because of who he was and how he was raised, he was fully going to hell. I saw him do things that harmed himself, not caring about the possibility of his death as if he was already doomed to it. From then on, I became a big advocate for the LGBTQIA community and that the Church was meant for all of us and that it’s not about our sexuality. It is about our relationship with Christ.
Not only one of my closest friends, but my brother who was raised just as I was came out to me. He told me he was in an on-and-off relationship with his best friend and was going through the biggest heartbreak all by himself. I was so angry for my dumb choice of words I said that day to him before he told me. I was ashamed of every thought I had and upset that he was going through this all in his head by himself. He and my best friend/classmate were two men I truly would do anything for.
My beliefs are constantly growing and changing. I will not stop advocating for and supporting this community as an ally. From growing up thinking it was a choice to knowing that this could never be a choice and they are totally created as they are by God himself. Jesus is here for the [LGBTQ+ people] just as he is for the allies, and his arms are open wide to all that accept Him.
[These were instrumental in my journey towards affirmation:] Going to churches that are progressive including those in the [LGBTQ+] community to lead and speak. Watching movies and reading dialogue on the Bible’s translations of the word homosexual not being included until recent history. I openly am relearning history that includes the stories of [LGBTQ+ people]. However, I would love to have more books/stories to learn from.
I love my life. I live closer to my brother and get to see him grow himself, accept himself, and get closer to coming out to the rest of my family. I get to see him in a beautiful relationship that points toward God just as any other Christian couple is said to. And although I am not in close contact with my classmate/best friend, I still pray for him constantly that he finds the love he deserves, not only with another but a love he allows to give himself. I love my [LGBTQ+ friends] and my group of friends who love them as well. It is a beautiful thing! And while we still have fear of others being unaccepting, we know that we all have each other and that we are completely enough.